Starting Over

Since the kids are out of town this week, I've got some extra time on my hands, so I thought I'd try to start this blog up. I opened this two years ago to document our trip to the beach and haven't touched it since. When the kids go out of town, I enjoy the first day or so. I usually give the house a good cleaning, as I won't have anyone here to make a mess within 7 minutes of the cleaning. Then I usually read, take on a new household project, or watch a movie. Then I start to get bored and miss them.

I truly enjoy the company of my kids. They both have a great sense of humor. They are mostly well-behaved. They like playing games. But I've got to admit that I get frustrated and irritated by them occasionally. When I have to repeat myself... when they leave messes around the house... and, maybe, when I'm just in an irritable mood.

Last week I saw a young grandmother in my store with four grandchildren: a girl of about 14, two boys somewhere around 10, and a small boy of about 7. I didn't watch them but I was listening to them while I did my work. Listening wasn't difficult. The woman was snapping at the kids. Her voice carried with anger and threats. The kids weren't acting terrible, but they were behaving like kids behave. It was the usual that we've all dealt with from our kids: wandering off, touching everything on the shelves, asking for stuff, picking at each other. But what struck me was how the kids reacted to her. Although they clearly had a relationship with her and wanted to talk to her and be around her, they also ignored her. The threats of punishment held no water. Her promises of discipline flowed right past them. Although I never wavered from my tasks, she knew that I must have heard the last twenty minutes of her dialogue, and as she pushed her cart past me, she said with a smile, "They are just monsters!"

I wouldn't dream of judging her irritation with her grandchildren. Neither would I judge the kids because my kids have had those days, too.

What I remembered is what works with my kids. My kids can tune me out sometimes. But I can ignore them at times too. Maybe that's just family life, or at least, that's our family life. Its not right but it is what it is. But... when we are going into a new situation, or when its an important situation, my kids handle it best when I take the time to explain beforehand what's going to happen, what they can expect, and what I expect of them. (I could also get into the uselessness of the lady throwing out empty threats, but I'll hold off.)

Its the difference between acting and reacting. When I'm just reacting to their behavior, a situation becomes more difficult to control. But when I plan ahead, talk to them prior, they are more comfortable and behave more appropriate to the situation. I need to do that more.